Abuse In The Culture: Do we pick and choose who we hold accountable, or do we give everyone grace?
Abuse Awareness + Society & Culture
I often find this question to be an open door to great constructive criticism. Our lives are filled with a lack of focus on the things we need. Most of the time, people need to be heard or need someone to be there for them. Usually, people use the lives of celebrities, music, art, and so on to fill voids in their lives. At times, that alone causes them to overlook bad behavior, negative outcomes, and poor decision-making from their favorite public figures.
It’s beyond a disappointment that many people take serious situations and treat them like a wicked stepmother. People have often forgotten about the torturous things their favorites have done since the beginning of time. For example, people tend to forget about the abuse that happens to women in the industry and that happens in everyday reality. Artists like Russell Simmons, Chris Brown, and Trey Songz come to mind when discussing abuse in the industry. All these artists have achieved successful careers with the support of women who appreciate good R&B music. Speaking from experience, each one of them has played a major role in my development, and it has taken me days and nights to remove and unlearn some of the harmful things in their music and rhetoric.
“I believe that grace is very real, and we all need a dose of it, and before we point fingers at anybody, we should realize how grateful we are for every moment we get……We all need to be forgiven for anything that we could be doing — we all come up short in some sort of way. Grace is real, and we are humans, and everybody deserves grace, period.” Kelly told TMZ
The idea that everyone deserves grace even after gaslighting, manipulating, and abusing their way through relationships is such an insane way of thinking. It's another way of saying, “I know what they did, but I don’t care.”. Honestly, it would be less disheartening if people would just say they don’t care about the lives of those who have been taken advantage of. This will help us understand why our voices are not heard and valued. For years, women have come out against music mogul Russell Simmons for “alleged” horrible behavior towards women. The backlash from people in the industry has been so eye-opening, while the reactions from the public have been very distasteful.
It’s very rare to see the public hold abusers accountable for their actions, which leads me to believe they wouldn’t care if that happened to their family or friends. There have been numerous reports, evidence, and investigations that have led to the guilty verdict of these public figures, but no one in the industry but a select few gives a damn about the basic human right of safety. Kendrick Lamar is one of the biggest rappers in the world and used his platform to put a known rap*st on this album. How can I trust that you are for us when you slap us in the face? I wonder did he hold him accountable behind closed doors.
Let’s not begin to unpack underage dating in the industry. Going down that rabbit hole is like setting yourself up for failure. There are so many public figure relationships that are centered around age gaps, and it is a difficult view to see. This is another reason why I believe we don’t hold public figures accountable. We are so used to them doing whatever they want without consequences that we let it roll off of our shoulders.
Until this day, women or victims alone are being blamed for the horrible actions towards them and it shows the hypocrisy of anyone saying they love women. It’s impossible to love women and take their entire existence away by forcing them to forget who they truly are. Holding them accountable will help so many individuals who are fighting everyday to be heard. So when you come across some information that outs your favorite public figure please think twice before giving them too much. We gave R. Kelly too much grace and he fooled us all.
So with that being said, when will we hold them accountable? When will we begin to feel comfortable in our bodies? When will the abuse stop?
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I’ve been thinking about our daily silences and how they relate to macro-situations such as celebrities. A lot of people find comfort and safey in silence. We’ve been asked to and conceded to play by the rule that requires us forgive others for the sake of their survival. We fall into the ideological trap that anything can be forgotten as long as there is a subsequent act which produces a positive feeling.
Sexual and domestic violence is condoned in homes as a consequence of masculine wounds. It’s justified and people coddle the perpetrators. I agree that everyone needs a space for healing. However, it does not require all of us to be that space. Perpetrators also have to make that decision for themselves. I hope people find peace in their forgiveness. I also hope that we come to the understanding that forgiveness does not mean promotion or reconciliationv.
Also, people don’t want to make the connection between artists and their art. But what you are, you produce. Period. I love how you spoke to your own process in unlearning rhetoric taught to you by Chris Brown and Trey Songs . Thank you for sharing 🙌🏽
My favorite quote is “It’s impossible to love women and take their entire existence away by forcing them to forget who they truly are.”
Powerful work, sis.
There's a dangerous razor's edge that people walk in the woods of forgiveness. Some choose based on their own experience. Others turn a blind eye to wrong doings in the wake of being a fan - their art, their athletic talent. Which is a gross behavior that should be deemed unacceptable at any level.
In my own troubled experience, I've found it easier to forgive people who have wronged me because I know the full extent of what happened and what the outcome was. I also know my strength and ability to heal.
But the pedestals on which we place people truly becomes a weak platform when they abuse trust, hope, support, kindness and establish a pattern of behavior - whether an athlete, an entertainer, or a politician. And I think the final issue becomes so many people are not willing to give women their fair voice which is a travesty on many levels. I'm even more shocked when I see that behavior from women. The hypocritical nature of humanity has become a burdensome mask of which so many love to hide behind.
I only hope that by doing right by the incredibly strong women who've been a part of my life, mother and wife included, and by speaking out against the behaviors of so many others, that I'm at least making some small bit of difference in this world.
Shareece, thank you for this very important reminder! 🙏🏼🤍